I swear, there is no relationship that will last if I am in the equation. Be it a romantic relationship or a friendship one, I always fuck things up and I don’t even know how I manage to do so. I do have a couple of theories to explain this, though, and this theories are mostly applied to friendship.
Theory #1: I’m too introverted
- I am introverted and shy, both things are usually not good to start conversations, and I’ve been told that because of that some people just think I am not interested in talking to them at all. This limits the number of people who I talk to, which limits the probabilities of creating some kind of real relationship with.
- If someone manages to pass though my introvert-ness and keeps talking to me even after that, they will eventually get bored because I have a very hard time making small talk. I do try and very hard, but it is very difficult to me to actually initiate any kind of conversation, specially small talk.
Theory #2: I never had a real friend through my childhood
- I think this one talks by itself. I literally never had a friend before I turned 11 years old, I have no real experience about how to maintain relationships alive.
Theory #3: I am not the usual life-of-the-party-type of girl
- I am actually more of a serious-type of person… I would even dare to say I am boring. I’ve been told that before, so it is not something I imagined. I am serious and boring. Great for when they need someone to talk to about their problems and who they look for when they need advice, but not someone they think about when they want to hang out or go to a club.
Now, mix all that, plus the lack of being intriguing and sexy, and you will also understand why my romantic relationships don’t last either.
Horray to me and my loneliness. Is there like a manual of how to change yourself into someone more interesting, sexy, fun, and less insecure? Because I am pretty sure I need that.